


start over again

by keijiwrites



Series: bound to you [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 21:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21363031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijiwrites/pseuds/keijiwrites
Summary: Bokuto and Akaashi break up. This is Akaashi's side of the story.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: bound to you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540114
Kudos: 44





	start over again

The break up was still so fresh in their mind. Bokuto’s tear filled eyes haunted them for so many days and nights, Akaashi wasn’t sure if therapy would be the way to go. They way Bokuto apologized, pleaded, begged for Akaashi to reconsider. To think about it. Telling them they could fix things. Together. But Akaashi was stubborn and the decision had been done.Kenma had arrived, letting himself in with the key they had given him.  
  
He had quietly sat next to them, ready for when Akaashi wanted to talk.  
  
“I guess this is it.” They whispered, staring down at their hands. Their eyes filled with tears, vision blurring faster than they could comprehend. The sob that racked their body was so strong, they fell against Kenma.  
  
He had wrapped his arms around them, running his hand through dark curly hair.  
  
“I couldn’t do it anymore, Kenma. It hurt so much.” Their words were barely understandable, but Kenma hummed. “It was like he wasn’t here. Like I wasn’t here.” A choked sob escaped their throat, body shaking with the force of it.  
  
Kenma kept his methodical movements of combing Akaashi’s hair with his hand, the other rubbing their back.  
  
“It was like we didn’t know each other. Two strangers in an apartment. I felt - and still feel - like I can’t reciprocate his feelings. I wasn’t feeling the same but it hurts so fucking much.” Their sobs filled the room, Kenma’s heart breaking for them.  
  


Akaashi couldn’t answer Bokuto’s messages. It hurt too much to see how much he still loved them. They couldn’t text him back, chest aching too much. The apartment felt so empty for them. Bokuto had just finished moving out and looking at how empty it looked now tore Akaashi’s heart to pieces. But it was for the best. This was so they could take time to themselves and heal. Seeing Bokuto’s things hurt, but seeing the apartment so lifeless hurt more. They weren’t sure of many things, breaking up with Bokuto included.   
  
Moving out and adjusting to living alone was harder than Akaashi thought. It wasn’t the best feeling, but it was what they needed because they could not pay for the apartment alone. The first night of living alone, Akaashi played one song on repeat the whole night until their sobs tired them out.  
  
_Over Again._  
  
They continued this pattern until they couldn’t cry anymore and their body screamed at them to rest. Kenma had surprised visited them one evening and found Akaashi crumpled on the ground, sobs racking their body hard it looked like they were convulsing. Kenma had to help them take a bath and put them to bed after almost needing to spoon feed them.   
  
Their mother visited during the week, walking in with a kitten the size of Akaashi’s palm. She said it was to keep him company. Akaashi cried, not feeling so empty anymore as the little kitten meowed up at him. They decided to name him Kou.  
  


A long time had passed when Akaashi saw Bokuto had posted he had made it to the national volleyball team. They had thought about congratulating Bokuto on the post he had done, but it felt too weird and awkward. They weren’t sure if to text him either. In the end, they decided to text him, even if his anxiety was spiking. 

  
To: Koutarou

Congratulations, Bokuto-san.

  
It felt weird calling him that. They hadn’t in so long it felt weird to even type it out. They locked their phone immediately and prepared for bed, Kou curling up beside them after he laid on the futon. They checked their phone and their heart skipped a beat as they saw a new message from Bokuto displayed on the screen.

  
From: Koutarou

thanks akaashi!!! Hope ur doing well!!!

  
Akaashi took a deep breath before they even opened the message. What were they supposed to answer? ‘You’re welcome?’ No. It seemed too bland and they wanted something to keep the conversation flowing. They looked down at Kou who was chewing on one of his toys and spoke. “What should I answer, Kou? Should I even answer? I don’t even know what to say.”  
  
Akaashi let out a sigh, typing down the first thing that popped into their head.

  
To: Koutarou

Please use correct grammar, Bokuto-san

  
Akaashi wanted to throw themself out of the window. Why would they answer something like that? Out of everything they could have said they chose that? God, they wanted the ground to swallow them whole. Their phone vibrated, a smile spreading on their face.

  
From: Koutarou

BUT AKASHIIIII :((((

  
Akaashi was surprised their conversations flowed so naturally after so long. Even more surprising was how they went from texting each other daily about the silly things that happened during the day to nightly phone calls that lasted hours. Akaashi grew the courage to ask Bokuto to meet up. When Bokuto agreed, they felt butterflies in their stomach and steeled themself to reply.

  
To: Koutarou

Seijoh near campus at 2?

  
  
From: Koutarou

Ok!!!!

His enthusiasm always made Akaashi smile.  
  
  


Akaashi was so nervous, they arrived an hour earlier than planned. They had a coffee mug in hand, taking occasional sips from their tea. Oikawa had sat with them for a while, and it calmed their nerves a bit. They were thankful for him. The nerves spiked when they noticed Bokuto was making his way towards them.   
  
“Hey.” They breathed out, fiddling with their fingers.  
  
“Hi.” Bokuto sat on the booth opposite them.   
  
They noticed Bokuto’s hair not in its usual spiked up fashion and they found themself with butterflies in their stomach they wanted to drown. He looked too good for Akaashi’s health.   
  
“Your hair looks good.”  
  
Bokuto’s words snapped them out of their thoughts. “Oh, um, thank you. Yours looks nice too. It’s different.” They felt their ears turn hot in embarrassment. Why were they so awkward?  
  
“Oh. Oikawa made this for you. I’m not sure what it is.”  
  
Akaashi thanked him and eyed Oikawa for a split second, noticing the cafe owner threw a wink his way.   
  
After talking for hours, Bokuto asked them if he could walk them home. They wanted to turn down the other but the way he scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the floor had them saying yes. They didn’t speak as they walked, and Akaashi was grateful for it because they felt like they would combust. Akaashi explained to Bokuto they moved out after winter break because the apartment was too big and too expensive for only one person.  
  
Bokuto hummed in reply.   
  
When they reached the complex, Akaashi spoke. “This is me.” They noticed Bokuto looking up at the building and the way his hair sort of swooped back. “Do you want to come inside?”  
  
They wished they could never open their mouth again.  
  
“Only if you want.” Bokuto’s gaze was unwavering, but it didn’t make them uncomfortable.  
  
“I did offer.”  
  
“Lead the way.”   
  
And they did. They heard a murmured ‘pardon the intrusion’ that made them smile just a little. Bokuto’s yelp turned their attention on him. “I see you’ve met Kou.” They leaned against the wall, arms crossed.  
  
Bokuto’s grin was wide as Kou rubbed his head against Bokuto’s hand. “He’s adorable. And likes me!”  
  
“All cats like you, Bokuto-san.”   
  
“Funny because the real cat person is you.”  
  
Kou meowed at Bokuto in a way Akaashi knew too well. “If you don’t pick him up he won’t shut up.” They walked to the kitchen to start making tea.  
  
“Aw, you’re so cute. I would burn the world down for you.” There was a brief pause that concerned Akaashi. “I feel compelled to buy him all the cat toys to ever exist.”  
  
“Please don’t.” Akaashi sighed. “He has enough thanks to Kuroo and Kenma. He does not need any more.” They pointed to the medium sized box next to the couch, not even feeling annoyed anymore. They were not going to have more cat toys in the apartment.  
  
Bokuto snorted, making Akaashi smile. “Seems like them to do that. Did you adopt him?” He asked, still looking down at the cat.  
  
Akaashi swallowed the lump in their throat. “No, actually. Um, my mother gave him to me so I. . . wouldn’t feel lonely when you moved out.”  
  
“Oh.”   
  
The air turned awkward and Akaashi found themself wanting to ask Bokuto to leave but Bokuto spoke before they could.  
  
“I know it wasn’t a good timing, but I’m glad you had him to keep you company after everything.”  
  
“Thank you, Bokuto-san.”  
  
“You don’t have to be so formal with me, Akaashi.”   
  
But Akaashi felt like they did. They weren’t as close as they used to be and it felt uncomfortable so they said, “It’s a force of habit.”  
  
“You hadn’t called me that in a long time.”  
  
“You didn’t call me Akaashi either.”  
  
They fell silent after that, the only noise Kou’s random cat noises and the water in the kettle boiling. Akaashi fiddled with their fingers, nerves eating them away.  
  
“Sorry,” Bokuto mumbled, playing with one of Kou’s paws and chewing on his bottom lip.  
  
“I’m sorry, too. It’s just,” Akaashi let out a sharp breath, “it’s hard to look at you and not be able to - to - to.” They stopped and stared at Bokuto before taking a hold of Bokuto’s face and kissing him.   
  
Akaashi felt Bokuto freeze and their first thought was ‘I fucked up.’ But it wasn’t too long before Bokuto kissed them back, taking a hold of their neck. Akaashi melted into the touch and when they parted, they pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed and breaths mingling.  
  
“Hey, ‘Kaashi?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Do you still love me?” He pulled away a little, his eyes on Akaashi’s.  
  
Akaashi was shocked at the question, but they kept their expression neutral. They nodded. “Yes. I could never stop loving you, Koutarou.” And it was the truth.   
  
The many times they had that stupid song on repeat, all they could think about was him. When they found himself thinking of Bokuto, the song would come to them naturally and they would often scold themself. They wanted to erase that song from their memory but it would also mean erasing the thought of what they went through to get to where they were.   
  
Bokuto grinned brightly. “I love you, too, Keiji.” He took Akaashi’s hands in his, rubbing them softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t try hard enough.”  
  
It felt like a stab in the chest listening to how small his voice was. “It was a two-way street, Koutarou. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have ignored your messages.”  
  
“I understand why you did.”  
  
Akaashi hummed as Bokuto laced their fingers together. “I missed you.” They murmured,.   
  
“I missed you, too.” They were quiet until the kettle whistled.   
  
Akaashi let go of Bokuto’s hands, warmth turning into cold quickly, to serve two mugs of tea. They sat on the couch, Kou curling up on Akaashi’s lap, Akaashi lying their head on Bokuto’s shoulder. They felt Bokuto press his nose in Akaashi’s hair, sighing in what Akaashi hoped what contentedness.   
  
For the first time in years, Akaashi finally felt like they were home. 

**Author's Note:**

> check out my other socials on my [carrd](https://keiiji.carrd.co)


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